Decorate for Pizza
The First Annual Holiday Decorations Contest is underway, and oh yes, our department will win. Picture Clark W. Griswold decorating his office. We came up with a truly original idea: The Workspace Gingerbread House. When our spies went out to see what the other floors had created, it was realized that our idea was quite unoriginal and our first attempts at decorating were below par. So, there was more brainstorming and online image hunting to make our floor superior than the rest. Currently, our gingerbread house looks dilapidated and the walls are covered with plain packing paper, but its a "work-in-progress" as one employee stated. High hopes...
In an email for additional supplies, you can sense the competitive edge we have:
Danielle Morrison
12/13/2005 12:04 PM
To: Danielle Morrisoncc: Workspace Solutions
Hello Workspace!
Your decorations committee needs your help if we're going to win this! Please bring in any toilet paper, paper towel, or wrapping paper rolls that you have around the house. Also, if you have any accents that you think will go well with our gingerbread theme, bring those too! Remember, not only do we win a pizza party, but we win the first annual Holiday Decorations Contest TROPHY!
Thanks for your help!I am imagining what "accents" I can donate, but I have no idea what the committee is looking for. I suggested people bring in real candy for decoration, since our department has an eating problem, and then everyone could just eat the decorations down instead of throwing them all away. I was joking, of course, but I think some people thought it was a great idea. I will update with the progress of our gingerbread house. When a project involves food as a prize, the department has a special dedication towards winning.
Thanksgiving Potluck
Today is the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, and what better day to have a Thanksgiving potluck?! Nevermind a majority of us will be eating a feast tomorrow night. I brought in homemade Chex mix, because come on, who doesn't like Chex mix? That reason, and I had left over boxes from my insane stocking up of Chex last week. I had this idea to make Christmas gifts, so I was experimenting with Chex recipes and went a little nuts. Plus, it was on sale which made me want to buy more and get a good price. Now I am so sick of Chex that I don't know if making holiday gifts with Chex is such a good idea. I am still looking for other homemade options.
It never fails. Someone brought in the block of cheese. A potluck, in my opinion, is a time to bring in foods you can share and pick up and go. A block of cheese takes time to cut, place on crackers, etc.- its a social food, if you will agree. People eat cheese and crackers at cocktail parties and events where chatting fits the mood. At work and at a work potluck, the idea is not to chat and stand up near the array of foods. There is work to be done! Am I the only one who sees this? Perhaps the person who brought in the cheese is trying to get people to talk in an effort to allow them to work less. Its all a big plan...There was also mysterious deli-cut salami. Now if you are going to bring in salami, at least bring in the "summer sausage," or the kind you cut and put on crackers with cheese. I am assuming the same person who brought in the cheese block brought in the deli salami.
Here is one definition I have found of the term "potluck":
A potluck or potluck dinner is a gathering of people for a meal where the participants are expected to bring food to be shared among everyone at the gathering.
There are no typical dishes in potlucks, the only commonality in dish is that they are large enough to be shared among a good portion (but not necessarilly all) of the anticipated guests.I realize the above definition states there are no typical dishes, but I have proof that the block of cheese is unfit for potlucks. The actual block was about 6 ounces. NOT ENOUGH for an office full of crazed food eaters and anticipated droppers-by from other departments. And the proportion of crackers to cheese was way off. There was an entire box of crackers for a small block of cheese. Thats like a 25 pound turkey stuffed with 1 cup of stuffing. Doesn't make sense. And the salami was just wrong all together. The person who brought in the cheese should be banned from participating in potlucks.
I am happy to say there was no fried chicken or nacho cheese this time. My Chex mix was made the healthy way (probably much to the surprise of all co-workers). However, that was most likely the only healthy item. I guess you can't have a potluck in an office without doughnuts, pies, and cinnamon buns. Oh, and the cheese.
Everyone loves a caffine high!
My good friend Lindsay emailed me upon her return from a coffee run. It seems everyone needs a jolt on mornings that did not start as planned. Most employees drink several cups of ulcer inducing coffee, others sip ounces upon ounces of Diet Coke. Those health nuts among us drink green tea. Some people might take pills. Whatever the source, caffine is almost a necessity and the people who don't require it are blessed with natural energy. Hopefully you sit next to their cube and can soak up some of their emissions. That just sounded gross. I meant like their natural energy aura could somehow be passed along to you if you sit close enough. Its Friday and I am making no sense right on schedule.
Anyway, here is her email and it made me laugh:
LindsayS
11/18/2005 10:49 AM
To: kari
Subject: latte latte
so i went to cosi to get a latte and after i paid the guy was like "do you
want an extra shot?" i said "how about an extra 1/2 shot?" i should not
have done this b/c now my heart is beating at a rapid pace and i feel
slightly ADD. good times on a friday! it's a caffeine high!I picture her doing 360's in her office chair while saying "a whoo hoo! Its Friday!" This image is probably the result of my natural high-induced hallucinations. As Friday progresses, the hallucinations get worse and worse as I picture the weekend, the bar, the drink I will down in 2 minutes then ask for another...
How to know when you're working too hard:
At lunch today, one of my co-workers almost finished eating and said "Oh no! I think I already ate my pickle! Did I eat my pickle?" Much to his dismay, it was no longer on the plate. He ate it, and did not remember eating it. This is classic sign of losing your mind to the routine of mind-numbing tasks. It was a sad moment for us all at that table. When you can't even enjoy a simple part of the day (i.e. the pickle), you know you're working too hard.
Later that afternoon, my friend Melissa emailed me with a sudden physical condition. The eye twitch:
"Melissa"
11/15/2005 02:37 PM
To: "Kari"
Subject: RE:
ok my eye keeps twitching, it's making me nervous. it's been doing this all day. what is the matterYou can tell by the tone of her text that she was worried- all lower-case, the lack of puncuation, short sentences, etc. Of course, I assured her nothing was wrong and eye twitching is a completely normal problem when you have been working too hard and staring at a computer screen too long. I am sure there is a much better medical explanation for her ailment, but my email would have to suffice. To stress about an eye twitch would only make it worse.
Christmas party getting better? Better than ever before?
The annual Christmas party already has preparations under way. A survey was given to help examine what changes can be made, to make the party even better. I don't really know how it can get better! There are all the makings for a rocking good time. Kareoke (with a stage and all), banquet style food such as fish (seriously), decorations everywhere (the really sparkly kind), and awards for person with the most Holiday spirit. I just realized they do not even call it a holiday party- it is literally the Christmas party. I am sorry to those of you who don't celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ.
My point is, the survey did not seem to provide much help:
While the event this year will closely mirror previous years, I am well aware of the need for change. My commitment is that we will integrate the thoughts of the committee into next year's festivities and beyond.So what does this mean? The Head of Building Operations (who puts on this shin-dig) is aware of the need for change but is opting to do nothing about it? He will integrate the thoughts? Meaning they will just think about possible changes, but not actually do them. His ending sounds like the end of a Star Trek epidsode: "into next year's festivities and beyond..." If only the actual event was so magical. All I remember from last year is a cafeteria with sorry decorations, really bad kareoke- worse than you could ever imagine, and food, which I will not even comment on because you all know how I feel about the cafeteria.
"That did not sound like a woman"
I work in an office where we talk quite often to clients on the phone. All of the sudden, from several cubes back after hearing the receiver set down, I hear, "that did not sound like a woman." It made me think of the many times I have been fooled, while calling clients, because their gender was not as it sounded nor as their name would suggest. I have called Drews and gotten women (not too unbelievable). Then there was the Joe I called with a deep, raspy voice, and after hanging up I realized I had no idea if I should put a Mr. or Ms. on the fax memo. I had to leave it without a title.
Its always fun to have phone relationships. I have no idea what most of the people I deal with on a daily basis look like. It adds to the mystery. I have my preconceived notions, of for instance, Debbie Devilhorn (see previous blog). She is probably ugly and has horns coming out of her head. There is Sam, who sounds like Sol Rosenberg and who I assume, looks like the cartoon version of the Jerky Boys character. I do not look forward to the day when I meet the people I know and love or hate by the sound of their voices. It would be like meeting Santa Claus and finding out he was a tall, dark-haired, brown-eyed man with no trace of a beard and who was wearing the color purple.
"Up to their bums in alligators!"
I know what you are thinking, "who uses that phrase??" Well, those in the field do, my friend. I heard this over a phone conference this morning. One of the "higher ups" used the phrase (several times, might I add) and I am flabbergasted. How do you respond to that? "Why yes! Yes they are!" It amazes me, what comes out of people's mouths. I was in a phone conference to decide how we are going to run business out of one of our main offices, located in a devastated area in Florida. Hurricane Wilma will not stop us, apparently. I feel bad for my counter-part down there, who has no roof and her bosses are trying to get her into the office.
Hurricane Debbie
There is a force in my office. It comes by with little warning and terrorizes all parties involved. Here name is
Debbie Devilhorn, and I compare her to a hurricane. She is also the devil, disguised in an insurance agent outfit. She is one of the worst people I have ever met- and I have actually only spoken to her over the phone and via email. I picture her actually having devil horns. You are supposed to keep good relations with the people you deal with on a daily basis, but she seems to think making insane comments and yelling over email (caps lock, bold, etc.) is the way to handle every situation. She relentlessly places blame on everyone but herself, because of course, she is perfect. When things really make her angry, she brings personal issues and problems into the matter, as if to propagate guilt. News coverage has given me a good idea on how harshly hurricanes roll over land and try to pummel all in their way. Debbie is the same. She tried to destruct, knock down, and whip away, but I have stood tall. In all of her abusing, I have done my best to keep calm, assist where necessary, and let her rages just run their course. I have found that the more you resist her behavior and ignore, the less likely she rants and raves. She continues to scream only if you give in and yell back. Very mature behavior for a professional atmosphere. I guess that is why she is an insurance agent, and I compare her to a door-to-door salesmen. Life is hard for her, and I pity her. If only she knew how to relate to people, she would be a lot better off. I feel bad for her husband, who is an insurance agent as well, but then I realize, "hey, he married her." He built his own hole and is getting burried in it.
